It's not goodbye, it's see you later

It's hard to believe I have already been home for three weeks, and I am currently writing this blog post while lying on my bedroom floor in Simsbury.  I have put this off for so long because I felt I needed some time to reflect on everything, let the whole being home thing sink in, and come to terms with the fact that I am really not going to back to Granada anytime soon.

Still, though, I did not tell Granada goodbye.  If there is one thing I learned in Granada, it's that you are never really saying goodbye to something, whether it be a place or a person.  I know I'll see Granada again someday; I can't not go back! Of course, that is only one of the many lessons I learned over the last four months. There are many more, which I'll get to later.

Despite the alternate universe, not-real-life aspect of Granada, being home has its perks.  I can take long showers, sleep without the sounds of a baby crying and my señora cleaning the kitchen at 2 AM (including throwing pots and pants at the wall, or at least that's what it sounded like), I can walk around with bare feet in the house (!!), exercise without being cat called, and I have all the food I like (without salt and oil) at my fingertips. I have seen a decent number of my friends, although Julie refuses to see me because she "doesn't want to leave the 203" (just kidding Julie, but you are a loser), gone to Rhode Island and the beach already, unfortunately resumed my lovely job at the YMCA's rock wall, forced Carly to make me dinner, and gone to the concert at the famed Meadows (I mean, hey, I'm home, so why not pretend it's high school again?).

There are certainly things I miss. I can't exclaim the undeniable cuteness of Spanish babies with Lindsey since she is in Chicago, and there are also no Spanish babies here (although I confess, we maybe send pictures of cute babies we see to each other. The whole taking-pictures-of-babies-we-don't-know thing might be frowned upon in America, so don't tell).  I also can't go out to tapas whenever I please, especially not at the cheap price of 2 euro a drink plus free food.  My Spanish speaking is at a minimum in Connecticut as well, although I did practice with my wonderful Mexican friend Checo the other day, and I was shopping a few days ago among a large throng of possibly Puerto Ricans and understood everything they were saying (of course, eavesdropping is frowned upon as well, but I like to call it practicing my language skills).  I am painfully bored at home, actually, and I'm realizing that I have mostly outgrown Simsbury. I mean, it's a great place, and it's a beautiful town, but what is left here for me? My friends aren't coming home this summer (for the most part), my parents have work or something (I actually have no idea where my father goes, but I think he might stare at a wall in his office, answer a few e-mails, drink coffee, and then come home feeling "accomplished"), and my high school job at the YMCA is not conducive to my ADD (I do not actually have ADD, but I do not like sitting and staring at a rock wall for hours on end).

My friend Carolyn from the program posted a quote that sums up exactly how I feel: "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." -Nelson Mandela

I am the same on the outside (minus this lovely tan everyone is jealous of, and a few added pounds), but I feel as though I have changed on the inside.  I am a more positive person now, upbeat about life, and mostly completely happy (except for when I realize I have real responsibilities at home...ugh).  When I was in Israel last summer, I remember Gary saying something that stuck: the hardest thing about going home a changed person, with tons of new experiences, is trying to explain your experiences to other people. This was true about Israel, and it is even more true after returning home after four months away.  Will my friends and even my family ever understand Granada and everything I did when I was in Europe? Probably not, but that's okay. It's special because its my own experience, and I don't think it needs to be fully explained.  Sure, I have funny and meaningful stories from my trip, but I will never be able to accurately explain the emotions I felt at certain times, or how looking at something beautiful each and every day (such as the Sierra Nevadas surrounding Granada, something I never grew tired of) made me feel a kind of happiness I have never felt before in my life.

All of this being said, I think everybody needs to go abroad, or at least travel, at some point in their lives.  Then, they will understand what I mean.  I was terrified to leave. Absolutely, 100% scared out of my mind.  I did it anyways, because I knew somewhere inside that I had to do it, not because someone else wanted me to, but because I wanted to do it for myself.  I was the most selfish I have ever been for the last four months. If I wanted to go somewhere, I went, without consulting my parents, my friends, or anybody's opinion.  I often have a problem (if this is a problem) of being too selfless, of always trying to help other people before helping myself.  In Granada, I learned to put myself first, and it no longer matters to me what people think of this attitude.  Before you can help others, you need to help yourself. I always knew this, but I never followed it. Now, I can say I do.

My friend Chelsie, who I knew of before Granada (she is my friends' roommate), became one of my good friends on the trip.  During a long conversation on a bus ride home from Nerja, we were talking about relationships, happiness, and most of all, life.  Something about being abroad makes you have deep conversations like this, and she mentioned to me that I would make a great psychologist (by the way, thank you for the compliment Chelsie!). I have always thought this as well, but decided to explore history, political science and Spanish instead.  Who knows now, though? The possibilities are endless. The one defiant statement I remember making in high school to my guidance counselor is that in my life, I want to help people.  I don't know where my future is taking me, but now I know that I can pretty much do anything. Being away taught me that there are not many limitations and, as lame as it sounds, I need to do whatever makes me happy.

So, if you travel sometime in your lives (which you should!!) I give you a word or two of advice: be alone, completely alone. The only way you'll learn about yourself is if you put yourself in a situation where you have to solve problems by yourself.  Of course, there are always people to help you (and don't forget that!), but there were so many times in Granada where I felt completely lost. Yes, it sucked at the time. But I wouldn't trade the slight tears, minor breakdowns, and confusion for anything. I was lost on a Munich subway for half an hour, confused by myself on a London bus, sort of freaking out both times (but also excited that I was on a real adventure), but now doing things alone doesn't bother me one bit.

I am determined to not lose the lessons I learned in Granada now that I am back in the United States.  I haven't yet, so I think that's a step in the right direction.  I want to be happy, have fun, value my family and friends, and most of all, not worry about useless nonsense. As the Spanish say, no pasa nada (basically "don't worry about it.").  I gained so much from four months abroad, and I would never trade any of my experiences for anything (yes, even landing in the hospital-that was an experience in itself!). I like to think I am now an improved version of my former self.  I am unbelievably grateful for the opportunity I had, pretty much using Europe as my personal playground for an entire semester.  Thank you everybody for following along and reading this (even if you just skimmed!), and I hope you all know that you were a part of my journey as well. I thought of all of the important people in my life each and every day, and I hope someday you all get to experience and see everything I did.

I suppose that's it. My next adventure brings me to Washington, D.C. on Sunday for my dream internship at the Smithsonian National Museum of American History. I probably won't keep a public personal blog, but I will be blogging for the museum, so I recommend you check that out! :)

This isn't goodbye, it's see you later.

Lauren

The video my director made of her pictures. There's a bunch of me playing soccer, go figure right?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2uNNoGJ7jM&feature=youtu.be

At the very beginning in January, watching the sunset

The graffiti done by a professional. U.S. graffiti can't even compare

My favorite view of the Sierra Nevadas, and Lindsey of course! :)

Most of the UConn group at the Alhambra

Watching the sunset on our final night. Everybody was nice and tan and definitely not wanting to leave our city. So glad I met some of the best people over the last four months, and even happier I'm taking everyone back to UConn with me! :)